Real Life

This post isn't the easiest for us. We wanted to post something REAL, something not easy. The past several years have not been an easy ride for us. Four years ago, we decided we were ready to start building our family and trying for a baby. At first, we were hopeful, excited and a just "letting it happen"... then after a couple years of that, we decided to talkto Dr's to see what's going on. After many tests, Dr appointments, regular acupuncture, herbs, vitamins, massage and more...they have not discovered any problems at all. In fact, they are calling it "unexplained infertility". To us, this is the worst kind considering there is no explanation. There are no words to describe how it feels for your body to not do what you are created to do. There are no words to describe the feeling of emptiness that you experience from infertility. There are no words to describe the roller coaster of emotions you experience every single day. A pregnant woman walking by you at the grocery store, she has something you want but can't have... a friend announcing their pregnancy, a reminder of what you have worked so hard for, spent a lot of time and money on but can't have.... so you put on a smile because you genuinly are happy for them but you are falling to pieces in secret... the reminder every month of the dreaded mensus.... the tracking of ovulation becomes a compulsive behavior every minute of every day... you lose not only your sanity but you lose yourself. Relationships start to not matter. Nothing matters anymore and you will do anything for this one thing... a baby. All you can think about is this one thing that you want but can't have and there is no answer. This is real life. This is a secret battle. Adoption is something that has always been on our hearts and even though we are suffering from infertility, adoption is not our plan B.#Adoption is something we have talked about since our very first month together 11 yrs ago. It has been on Blakes heart since he was 18. We knew we were going to adopt someday but we didn't know we were going to have infertility.